What's Your Favorite Thing About You?

This world is crazy. It really is - when you think about the greater scope of the science behind it, how nature works together to continue to allow us to live on this revolving planet, it really is wild. Our brains are equally complex - to the nth degree. There is so much we don't know about them and a little that we do. I'll go out on a limb and say that as humans, we seem to overthink and be highly critical about ourselves, not often leaving enough room for the good. There should always be room for the good. Always. The good should take precedence over the not-so-good (even though feeling the not-so-good is important, too - the downs help us to better appreciate the ups). 

The good matters. I learned something cool about focusing on the positive recently, and I think I'm going to focus on it from here to Kingdom come. Because it's good to be alive, it's good to be who we are, and I think it's REALLY amazing to be able to like ourselves, even when we have moments of failure. There are SO MANY THINGS to like about you. Yes, you.

A couple of weeks ago, I asked one of my favorite humans on the planet what his favorite thing was about himself. I loved the answer so much and the unique nature of it that I asked someone else, then someone else, then more someone elses. I am going to keep adding to this list as I continue to ask people, because great thoughts breed great thoughts. And I'm here for it. 

I'm thankful to everyone who has responded to my question, even though for some, it may have felt like it came out of left field, was thought-provoking, unexpected, or tough to answer. I'm glad they did. Here's to the favorites: 

• Don’t take myself too seriously and I’m the first to laugh at herself. 
• Small things make me really happy.
• I can relate to a lot of people and build relationships. 
• Open-minded and a good listener of perspectives. 
• Work ethic. 
• My kindness.
• Empathy, and a close second is bravery. 
• The fact that I've cultivated a line-up of good people into my life. I eliminate the toxicity and focus on the positive. I also like that I still have all my hair at age 62. 
• My ability to see the good in just about anyone. 
• I’m sensitive, and it’s one of my superpowers. 
• I think my sense of empathy. I’ve always been able to sense what others are feeling/thinking. I feel like that helps me in both personal and business relationships. I've become more empathetic as I've aged. No doubt about it. Life experiences and reflection on them has helped. 
• My ability to thrive. 
• My favorite quality is the genuine ability to connect with people. My favorite piece of my life is my family.
• I can't stay mad or sad for too long...although I get tested a lot, but I always recognize the goodness around me.
• My empathy.
• My quick wit.
• Love being a dad. My work is so flexible that I get to do a lot with my kids.  After school pick up, summers they are with me at the gym if my wife has to go in. We have never had a babysitter or daycare. It’s always been the wife and I with them. 
• I actually think it's my personality. 
• I'm not a quitter.
• The ability to listen to others and make them feel like and know they are heard. 
• That I'm aware I have a heart for people and things. 
• My appreciation for life. 
• My tenacity.
• That I love my Lord, and I'm a giving person. Those are seriously interconnected. And I love my family! 
• Sense of humor! 
• My favorite thing about myself is my determination to keep moving forward. In times of hardship, I dwell and question the journey. However, because my purpose in life is strong, I use that to keep my head leveled and my heart focused on the bigger picture. I am determined to fulfill whatever it is that I want and strive for in this world. 
• My compassion. 
• I think it is my ability to empathize with people. I'm very proud of that. 
• I am intuitive. 
• I'm good with kids and able to help them through challenges. 
• Problem solving and wanting the best for everyone. 
• Being a good husband and dog dad. 
• My determination to not be defeated. 
• I'm a good mom! 
• I'm a nice person, and I am a good listener.
• My ability to overcome! 
• My dependability. 
• The love I have in my heart and in my life.
• I really enjoy my sense of humor.
• It's my compassion. I try to think of other people's well-being.
• That I don't have too much pride. 
• I'm very loyal to my friends and family. 
• I like that I am empathetic, and I think that I am smart, and I like that. I like that I handle my shit. 
• How good I am at multi-tasking. 
• I am fascinated by nearly every one I meet. 
• My heart.
• My ability to never meet a stranger. 
• My story, and my friends. 
• My two spawn. Or my extra long fingers that get things out of the garbage disposal when dropped. 
• My smile. 
• I can fix most things. 
• My personality. 
• I'm a good dad. A good coach. Helping my kids (daughter and those I coach) achieve their goals is immensely satisfying. More so than for myself. 
• Being tall is nice. 
• My resilience. I've bounced back from some tough times with no help. 
• My constant drive to keep pushing forward, in spite of the obstacles. 
• My determination to succeed, no matter the odds or the naysayers. 
• I'm a caring and genuine person, and I always see the good in people. 
• My growth mindset. I'm always willing to improve and go further in my personal growth. 
• I like being able to make friends with people of all ages. 
• My willingness and desire to help others. 
• It’s a bit of a love-hate, I think. That I have a drive to work toward something I’m passionate about, when most people would quit. At times, I wish I could shut it off, but most times it’s what keeps me going every day to do more and be more. 
• I am flexible and can adapt to life changes and circumstances. 
• My soft heart. 
• I like that I'm a nice person, even when people don't deserve it or people perceive it as a weakness. I like it. And a little bit of exercise goes a long way with my body. :) 
• That I'm extra about EVERYTHING! It's fun! 
• My ability to teach and coach others. 
• I'm smart and caring. 
• I can sit down with anyone and have a conversation. 
• My sense of humor! 
• I think I appreciate that I do try to find the thing to be grateful for in every situation. If I couldn’t do that, I’d be a basket case.
• My decision to stay sober.
• My openness to new people, ideas, and things.
• My faith in God.
• My willingness to help just about anyone when they are in need.
• My patience.
• My inquisitive collection of friends and acquaintances
• I would say that I'm always happy and have a very driven mindset. I have leadership qualities, and I always look at life positively and try to make the best of it.
• I'm a good listener.
• Overall, my favorite thing about myself is that I have friends all over the world...sometimes people I don't talk to for a while, but still love when I hear from them.
• My favorite thing about me is the way I love people. When I love someone, I love hard - friendship, relationship -- doesn't matter.
• My work ethic. 
• The ability to not let stress get to me. 
• My bubbliness! 
• I'm passionate about everything I do, I have a big heart, and I love God. Any of those three.
• I love life, and I love to see people around me having fun.
• Being able to relate to a broad set of people...being a good communicator. My intuition. 
• My heart, and its capacity to store so much love, compassion, and humility. 

My Five Guys

The world is an interesting place. The way in which people are placed into your life with such purpose is an eerily perfect thing. I have five guys - and they make all the difference. Now don't get me wrong, my life is filled with many incredible people - guys, gals, kiddos - you name it. But today, I was knocked upside the head and reminded of how purposefully these five were placed in my life.

My challenge is for you to open your eyes and realize the purpose that individuals, groups or a series of people have in your life, in order to better understand the greatness for which you are meant and the people who are around you to support you.

One is my dad. He is my champion. He'll talk to me anytime of the day or night - sometimes even in the middle of counseling sessions, even though I tell him I'm not sure if that's appropos. But I know he picks up because he cares and because he loves me. He wants to make sure everything is good and well - whether I'm 11, 31 or foreseeably, when I'm 81. He defines unconditional love. He's worked hard his whole life - from the farm to seminary to what he defines as retirement - and he works hard because he wants to be there, give and care for himself and those around him. He is a tremendous example. He makes me want to give, care and encourage more and more every day.

One is my brother. He is my protector and my hero. I don't know if he knows it, but he is. I look up to him so much. I am proud of his service and proud of the father he has become to his own kiddos. I remember the mischief he got into growing up, but I think he did it so that he could take care of getting in trouble and being the mischievous child, and make my sister (who is also my hero)  and I look a little more innocent. I don't have the chance to talk to him every day - sometimes not even every week - but the lessons he teaches me just by living the life he lives is more than enough. He makes me want to serve like he serves, to be goofy like he is and to drop wisdom like he has done for me. It's something I keep with me daily.

One is my business partner. This week, he referred to the two of us as Wayne and Garth. Here's what he said - PARTY TIME! EXCELLENT! These words became a battle cry for two of our generation's finest minds - Wayne and Garth - :). For two films, and countless sketches, these two found joy in the simplicity of loving great music, hanging with friends, and supporting each other. Fictional or not, they exhibited the best of the human spirit - a desire to be happy and share it with others. Maybe I am clutching at straws with this analogy, or maybe I am simply trying to say, "Party on, Tanya." He gets me. He knows what makes me tick. He knows when he's right, and he knows when I'm right. He complements me, and he compliments me. He cheers me on. He puts me in my place. Every once in a while, we fight like siblings - I think because we are closer to being siblings than business partners. He cherishes opportunity and he crafts it, as well. We do together. He makes me want to keep on keeping on and to energize with passion and vigor every day.

One is my person. He is by my side. He makes me stronger - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. He makes me smarter. He trusts me and believes in me more than any dude who isn't my dad or brother ever has. He listens to me. A lot. I spend more time with him than anyone, because he makes me better. Every day, he makes me a better version of me. He doesn't get mad. He is humbly confident. His brain is giant and holds an enormous amount of info in it. He encouraged me to read The Alchemist (I think you should, too). It changed my life. He has changed so many lives - the snowball effect. It happens. He hears me out whether I am on a tirade or on the highest mountaintop, and then he reminds me that it's better to be on that mountaintop - whether he says it with words or silence. He makes me a better leader. Each day, I want to set an example for others - by coaching, teaching and loving - because of the example he sets in his patience, wisdom, compassion and strength. It makes me better every single day.

One is my favorite geek. He says the most entertaining things, and quite often, the most meaningful things. Today, he dropped the term "behavioral physics" into my world. He said - Action begets action. Activity begets activity. Density begets density. It was his response when I was talking to him about the beautiful collaboration of building businesses and the meaningful nature of relationships. Keep moving, keep acting, keep getting shit done (I believe he coined the phrase - 'Team Get Shit Done'), keep counting your blessings. He changes the world around him every day. Not sure if he knows that or not, but he does. He lets God lead. He knows the right things to say. I can laugh, cry, be profound (on occasion) and completely ridiculous (on other occasions) around him, and his genuine care shines through. He makes me want to mentor more, move more and help others to better their surroundings each day.

So there they are. My five guys. They don't come with burgers and fries - usually with chocolate covered cherries, olives, Mexican cokes, ribeye steaks and Pacificos - but I'll take it. I am proud of every single one of them, and they are proud of me. If I told you the specific reasons and stories about why each one of them is in my life, this would be a novel. And quite honestly, I think that purpose is continuing to unfold. But there is great purpose and reason that the Universe and the Great Engineer put them in my life. So, I'll leave it at this. I count my blessings that whether they are with me in the flesh or in spirit each day, they enhance my life and fill it with greatness.

To these five guys - thank you. To anyone else who takes a few to read this - find yours and thank them or take joy in knowing that you are likely one, too.

Five gals coming soon.

Communication is an Art

Every time you communicate with someone, your relationship changes.

I have no idea where I heard or read this. I even tried to Google it, and nothing comes up. But I know I saw it somewhere or heard it at some point recently, and it stuck.

It seems like an obvious statement, but I don't think it's something people really think about. On the other hand, it is something that perhaps people think about far too much. I've been told by more than one person lately that I need to say what I mean and not be afraid to just share what's on my mind. Some call it being passive, others may call it fear. For me, it is what it is, but I have definitely implemented communicating as directly as I can. (Hell - it's one of our company's core values - and all of those values bleed directly into my everyday life. So, undoubtedly, it's something that is important to me.)

As I've started to do this, that first statement at the top of the blog has been ringing around in my brain. It's so true.

Communication is an art. It really is. Some people are great at it, others average, and others, quite frankly, are just terrible at it.

Every single time we communicate with someone, we make a mark. We make an impact. We say something that is meaningful. And even if the words aren’t the most meaningful, we still say something. We are present. Where I think people fail in communication is when they are not present, when they don't really give a shit about the person with whom they are communicating or just don't care much about the relationship. But everything we say can (not always will, but can) make a mark - to the point that the relationship can either be strengthened, weakened or muddled. I'm talking about any kind of relationship.

It's important to be respectful and kind. Those are two things I believe in with everything that I am. It's also important to be straightforward and honest. People want to be treated like the gifts that they are, because God put each of us here to be a gift to someone or something in more ways than one. People also don't want to be lied to or given the run-around. Trust and belief are very powerful elements to give.

When you find the ones you trust and believe in, communicate and communicate often to strengthen that relationship. When you find those who are in your life for a time, season or reason, communicate well, because you never know what you could add to the person's life or what they may be able to teach you or add to yours - even if it's just for a few minutes. When you find those who you just don't mesh with, be cordial and respectful, but be honest with yourself that they may not be the best people to keep around on the reg.

Communication is something you can get better at every day. It takes a lot of practice. Never stop practicing. The lifers in your life will appreciate it. Communication can strengthen the bonds of ANY kind of relationship together - be it colleagues, family, friends or otherwise. Encourage when you want to, be respectful always. Make honesty the norm. Say what you need to say, and when you don't need to say anything, don't. Sometimes silence works, too. Just keep communicating.

Put on love

I wouldn't consider myself to be a fashionista, not in the least. But I do love wearing dresses and heels. I also love wearing workout clothes and Saucony kicks, whatever goes with the WOD that day, and sometimes jeans, t-shirts and flip flops. But the most important thing I put on every day is love.

The world needs more of it each and every day. I don't think any of us should walk out of our houses, or roll out of our beds, for that matter, without putting on love. You can put it on in varying forms - it doesn't have to be the crazy, stupid love that they talk about in movies.

Love makes us do all kinds of things - mostly good, I think. So, it's worth wearing daily.

I put on love so that I can be stronger, friendlier, happier, and wiser. I put it on so that I can give it out. Each day, it's granted to us from above - Paul said so. So it's only proper that we should take it and distribute it (otherwise, it would overflow, and who likes spilling love?). Love lets me listen to those more spry than me -whether they are six, twenty six, or seventy six - hear what they have to say, learn from them and also offer guidance along the way. Love lets me show my family and my friends that I care about them. It lets me spread joy through hugs, high fives, and cheers. Putting on love creates a channel of communication that allows me to exude enthusiasm. Sometimes, it bursts so much it hurts, but I think that's worth it, too. Love is a simple thing. People try to complicate it, but it's simple. Your heart shows you ways you can love every day. You have enough to go around to everyone you come in contact with - spread it.

I receive love every day, so I know there are plenty of others wearing it. I get it in varying forms, too - through texts of encouragement, the faith that others have in me, the time others take to stop, talk, and actually listen to the response of, "how are you?" It comes through trust, belief, humor, and presence.

The more I think about it, the more I realize the necessity of it. Love is the universal language of the world. So, whether you're wearing a suit and tie, designer this or that, or some torn up jeans and a tee, make sure love is the first thing you put on when you wake up. You'll know it when you run into others who have put on love first, too. Soak it up.

Just say it

William Arthur Ward once said, "Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it." To me, the latter is pointless, and therefore, so is the prior. When thankful, say, "thank you." It's a simple thing with a tremendous impact.

Being gracious, saying thank you, expressing love or joy or happiness - all of these things only have the opportunity to make you, the deliverer, and the other person, the recipient, better. I've never quite understood ungrateful people - ungratefulness, I believe, stems from ignorance. Even more than those who choose to be ungrateful or ignorant, I have a lack of understanding for being thankful and grateful for someone and rarely or never telling them. How are they ever supposed to know the impact that they're having? How can they know that they are making your world a better place or doing that for others they are around? Perhaps, it's just in their nature to know what they're doing is good, but why the hell not just recognize it? 

Say thank you to the team of staff members you have who work 8+ hours a day for you or alongside you. Tell the friend who picks you up and always drives (because you hate city traffic) that you appreciate them taking over the wheel and the patience that comes with being behind it all the time. Tell your sibling who invites you over for dinner when you'd be eating at home alone otherwise that you are grateful for the meal and the company. Share with the friend that calls you just because that it made your day to be able to catch up. Don't just have the conversation and hang up without expressing what you feel. Tell the folks that greet you at the front desk every day that you love their happiness. Let the person who you spend the most time with how much you enjoy them and their goodness.

Lack of expression is not only imprudent, it's also unhealthy. 

Really, it's not good for you.

Gratitude, and expressing it, is good for your health. Here's proof from HappierHuman.com:

Gratitude increases sleep quality, reduces the time required to fall asleep, and increases sleep duration. Said differently, gratitude can help with insomnia. It makes you more likely to exercise. In an 11-week study of 96 Americans, people who were instructed to keep a weekly gratitude journal exercised 40 minutes more per week than the control group. Exercise gives you endorphins, and endorphins make you happy. (Elle Woods told us that in Legally Blonde, so this is something you should already know.) Experiencing gratitude in the present makes us more likely to remember positive memories and actually transforms some of our neutral or even negative memories into positive ones.

So just say it. Say, "Thanks." Say, "I appreciate you." Say, "You are good at life." It takes ten seconds. It makes a difference, and a pretty righteous one at that.

My Third Place

Sometimes, you want to go where everybody knows your name, right? Cheers is a pretty good place to be, no matter what or where your Cheers is.

A couple of months ago I wrote about the goodness that takes place every day at 18403 Blanco Road. That is one of my third places. I could tell a million more stories about it, but a good part two took place just recently at a place where maybe not everybody, but many of the bodies know my name, Whole Foods.

To you, it may just be a grocery store, but to me, it's much more. I went to pick up my coffee a couple of weeks ago - like I mentioned in the related post, it's where I go to get my coffee with one of my favorite people in the world every day. This day, I was picking it up for the both of us. I was just about to pay, and I remembered that I had to get water on the opposite side of the store. I asked Evan, one of the baristas, who had already engaged me in conversation and had our Americanos going before I even ordered (because service comes first with these folk), if I could run and get it even though I was essentially mid-pay, and he said, "You can do whatever you want to do," with one of the most enthusiastic tones I had heard that early in the morning.

Obviously, I'm not the boss of Whole Foods, but they make us feel like we're part of the family. Simply put, they care, and you really just don't find that everywhere you go. A lot of grocery stores (and stores in general) have replaced quality service with robotic convenience. And frankly, I think that sucks. Interacting with the customer and showing them the value that they provide to the company gives that customer good reason to pay what they pay for the value that they get. Complex sentence? Perhaps. Again, simply put - you get what you pay for. It's not just a coffee. It's an experience, and an enjoyable one at that.

There are other examples - the baristas go out of their way to make the coffee just like we like it. They ask what's too much and too little, and at this point, they just know. They ask our plans, how my morning is, how my workout was, how I enjoyed that movie we talked about a week prior. When I was buying ingredients to make sweet potato brownies (the most delicious thing in the world), one of the cashiers asked what I was making. I started talking to him about the brownies, eating natural and my avoidance of sugar. He didn't just smile and nod. Instead, he told me that he had just gotten back from the Sundance Festival where he watched a documentary called Fed Up. He said he thought I would be interested in it, because of my eating habits, and he gave me the website and told me when the documentary was going to air.

Maybe it sounds like just a conversation, but if you think about it, this doesn't exist just everywhere you go. It was Ralph Nichols that said, "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them."

Listening rules. So does caring, providing a positive experience and showing value. Every day, I look forward to this time of my day. Quisas it's because I get to spend it with one of my favorites, but it's also because it is more than a run-of-the-mill visit to the grocery store or coffee shop for me. It's an experience that makes each one of my days filled with more joy, and it's contagious, so I get to share that joy with others. It's a third place that is pretty much first in my book.*

*If you don't know about third places, or don't have one, read this article by Eleanor Brown.

You Are The Company You Keep

“You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with." I walked into a client's office about four months ago, and that quote by Jim Rohn was hanging on the wall. I couldn't help but to think how true that statement is.

 We are still individuals at our core, but the people who we surround ourselves with have a strong impact and play significant roles in our lives. I believe we attract people who either have similar goals to greatness (or whatever your path may be) or complement us in the most perfect of ways.

 What is so eye-opening about the observation or quote - whatever you want to call it - is that characteristics, qualities, quirks, language, and habits of the people we spend the most time with in our lives rubs right off on us. That's why it's imperative to have the right people with you. They can either bring out the worst in you or the best in you. Pick the latter.

 Whether it's listening to a song over and over and over again that teaches you a thing or two (in addition to the lyrics), even if your vocals aren't that dazzling, or watching a long-standing habit of a friend or family member become your own -- the things that impact you, that rub off, that make you that average should make you better.

 I am an individual. You are an individual. But we still have the humanesque opportunity to surround ourselves with a core cadre of people who can add to the zest of life, who offer us something we don't have and allow us to enjoy what we do have even more.

I love that I eat differently (better, healthier and more meaty) because of one of my five. I love that I speak in a different jargon because of one of my five. I love that I don't have to finish sentences because one of my five knows what I'm thinking. I love that one of my five starts using phrases that I use all the time and we both point it out. I love that one of my five helps me to believe that together, we can change the world. I love that one of my five shares the same cheer and happiness for life that I do, which makes life doubly as happy. 

So, if you do the math, maybe I have a few more than five, or maybe there are multiple things that resonate in the five with whom I spend my most time. Make sure the complements of your five, six or nine are good ones. Don't let the bad eggs bring you down. Life is too finite to spend it with those who aren't raising you up and who you can't raise up in return.

 Typically, I'd say being average doesn't sound that great. It sounds more like mediocre. But if you surround yourself with greatness, there is nothing better than average.